Officially Employed.

God is GOOD and FAITHFUL and GRACIOUS and a million other adjectives that wouldn't even come close to describing Him in all of His splendor.

I am absolutely ecstatic to not only say that I am now employed, but I was offered my DREAM job! Like I said, God is good (pretty sure that will be a recurring theme throughout this post-- even though it should be our daily theme!).

Dream job? Yep! That's what I said! I'm sure most of y'all already know all of this through Facebook.. but it feels better to write out my story through my blog. If you read a few previous posts, you know about everything that happened at UMC a few weeks back-- the layoffs-- the reason I was absolutely devastated and 100% stressed out about job. Well, God sure does have unique ways of teaching us trust and patience. To make the story short, I spent many weeks worrying, stressing, learning to trust that God will provide, and learning to be completely humble. Let's just say Tuesday was not the best day as far as my emotions go. I received a call Tuesday night from the nurse manager apologizing for not contacting me sooner and not being able to give me an answer yet (and assured me that she would let me know something the following day).. followed by her telling me to pursue other interviews if I had any scheduled (which, I did). So, here I am thinking there is NO way I got the job.. I mean, why would she tell me to interview elsewhere?! Anyway, thank GOD for our pastor's wife and my dear friend, Tressa. With the help of her words of wisdom, encouragement, and prayers Tuesday night (and of course with the help of my incredible husband), I was able to allow myself to find peace in whatever God had planned for me. I slept better Tuesday night than I had been sleeping in awhile. I am so thankful for her friendship, she literally kept me SANE Tuesday night. Wednesday rolls around and I actually felt CALM, which is HUGE for someone with my personality. I had to stay in constant prayer (which I always should) in order to keep myself at peace and not stressed out. God was faithful and granted me peace and a willingness to accept whatever news I received that day. Well, several hours go by and it was time for me to go to the church (I was keeping our pastor's precious girls-- my HEART!) and I still had not received a phone call. Of course I'm still trying to remain positive, but it started to get hard. Keeping the girls definitely helped keep my mind off of the situation. As I'm watching the girls, I remember I had left my phone on charge, so I decided to go check it. Lo and behold, I had a missed call from University! **PANIC MODE** I missed a call (good or bad) from the nurse manager! (PS- my voicemail does not work on my phone, uh oh). I frantically call her back.. she does not answer. I leave a voicemail, in hopes that she can understand me through my hyperventilation. I decided to check my e-mail right quick.. and there it was. The most BEAUTIFUL e-mail subject I have ever laid eyes on..

"Hire Offer"

I started to feel like that little boy in the Dentist youtube video.. "is this real life???" I opened the email and tears FILLED my eyes as I read that she wanted to "assure [me] that [they] are very excited to invite [me] to join their PED team!!!!". That was it, I caved and started crying like a little newborn. As I'm calling my family to give them the good news, my BOSS (weird saying that!) called me and we chatted for a little while and what not. This sounds terrible, but I literally could not believe it. Yes, I wholeheartedly believe that God will come through at "just the right time" (Romans 5:6). But, not only did God come through, He came through in a way bigger than I could imagine. I guess that's why His thoughts and ways are HIGHER than ours (Isaiah 55:9)-- and thank goodness they are! I hate to see what my life looked like if I was in control of everything.. so glad He is my Master!

So, there's my story. That's how I ended up with my dream job-- all because of Jesus. I will start in a few weeks after HR gets all of their stuff taken care of with me. I will be working a "swing shift" which means I will work part of the "morning" shift and part of the "night" shift. So I will come in during the late morning (don't know the exact time yet) and leave 12 hours later. 

Example: Come in at 10am, leave at 10pm.

I am just too excited that I will be working in the brand new Pediatric Emergency Department at UMC.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Humble Pie.

I really don't know how to start off this post, and it is probably going to be a lot of rambling that I can only hope make sense.. and it HURTS to write this.. you will see why.. but praise be to God for giving me the strength to spill my heart for everyone to see the ugliness inside.

This weekend was DiscipleNow for our youth group. I can honestly say that I went into this weekend with a slightly different attitude than most DNOW's I have been a part of. First, let me talk about how I've been struggling leading up to DNOW.

So, I'm sure everyone knows that I still do not have a job.. and yes, I am have been very, very angry and bitter. I may not speak about it or show it through my outward emotions, but I have been very hurt and angry over the fact that 90% of my graduating class all have jobs.. and I do not. It literally STINKS when you are in nursing school and everyone applauds you and talks about how "easy" it will be to find a job upon graduating. Well the reality for me has been that everything I was told is ALL LIES-- or so that's how it has seemed to me personally. Something else that has really gotten under my skin (and excuse my frankness, but I have to be real in order for you to see where I was before this weekend)-- the fact that some people in my class who literally "piggy backed" their way through nursing school (so it seemed) and that I bent over backwards for to help out and what not HAVE AWESOME jobs.. and I am still unemployed. I'm speaking straight from my heart when I say it HURTS so bad to be one of four out of my class that graduated with honors, to have worked my butt of for two years, to have put everything on hold it seemed like, just to pursue the calling God had for me.. and then not be able to find a job in the area to which He called me.

Those reading are probably thinking "what a brat!".. and that's ok.. because that's EXACTLY the attitude I had. And honestly, I had a lot of anger in my heart. So, it's ok if you think those things.. because my attitude stunk. In fact, in Galatians 5, Christ tells us that angry is a "work of the flesh" (Gal. 5:19-21. With that being true, my flesh was definitely acting out over the past few weeks.

So, I go to DiscipleNow knowing that the theme is "humility." Fitting, right? Well, in my flesh, I somehow convince myself that because this is an event geared towards the youth, that I probably won't get anything out of it.. and SURELY God isn't wanting to speak to ME about being HUMBLE.. not at all, huh?

Little did I know, I was going to feel like every message was being shot specifically towards me. The theme for the weekend was "LIVE LAST", with the main verse being Matthew 20:16...

"... so the last will be first,

and the first will be last."

We spent each session talking about ways to put others before us, how to humble ourselves before God and before others, how to realize we are NO better than anyone, etc. My mind was really provoked by these teachings.. yes, I have always known of them and whatever.. but I hate to admit I struggle with actually LIVING them. I don't really know how else I can explain the message for this weekend except for humility. God really kicked my butt and knocked me flat on my face-- and it hurt. He really shook me and allowed me to realize that there is NOTHING I can do-- no degree I can hold, not enough certifications and licenses I can obtain-- to be BETTER or more "qualified" than anyone I graduated with, or anyone period for that matter. 

God kept reminding me of a verse over and over.. Philippians 2:3, which reads "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourself." Ouch.. we live in a society that is so "me" oriented.. what can I do to make ME better, what can I get to make everyone like ME, if I'm not HAPPY, something is wrong.. etc. And I am SICK of it. God has broken my heart over vanity and I am SICK TO DEATH of ME ME ME ME ME. And that's exactly the attitude I had with my job hunt.

I truly believe God has not given me a job to date for a specific reason.. and I believe that reason was revealed to me this weekend on numerous occasions. I'll quote a text message I sent a friend of mine earlier today to sum up what I feel God is doing in my life at this very moment.

"You know, I just always said I would NEVER work a floor. Well, the theme for DNOW this weekend was humility, and I think my "floor hate" strictly comes from my pride. I spent most of the weekend in tears, but He really revealed to me that just because CAITLIN thinks it's unfair other people have a job, it's very prideful for me to get angry about it. And as much as it sucks, I am so thankful He opened my eyes to my pride. I really think that may be why He is holding off on allowing me a job.. until I humble myself and realize I am no better than anyone of His children."

I ask that you please lift me in prayer.. not that I found a job.. but that I continue to learn humility and God helps destroy my prideful attitude so that I may serve him with a fully devoted servant's heart.

My prayer for you is that, if you somehow can relate to my issue of disgusting pride, that God will begin to break your heart as He broke mine. I pray that you consider others better than you consider yourself, and that you serve each other daily out of humility instead of "duty."

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

James 4:6 

In Christ,
Cait

Let's Celebrate!

I PASSED NCLEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok guys.. sorry, had to get that out of my system! I honestly cannot explain how I feel right now. When I checked the Board of Nursing's website yesterday morning only to find MY name with RN and a LICENSE NUMBER listed behind it.. I almost fainted. It felt like Christmas morning, except a million times better (which is crazy if you know me.. because I am a Christmas fanatic). This is one day that seemed like it would NEVER EVER get here. But, after too many hours (to count) of studying, way too many cried tears, not enough sleep, not enough caffeine, a few lost pounds, $2,000 worth of books, too much $$$ in tuition.. you get the picture.. it finally came! Not only am I a graduate now.. I am a licensed REGISTERED NURSE. Now, I know many of y'all probably aren't nearly as excited and wish I would probably shut up.. but, this is my blog.. and I just feel like there is a huge party going on in my brain right now and I'm proud that I finally accomplished one of my life long goals. NOW-- let's continue to pray I find a job. I have felt a very strange and comforting peace this week about the job situation. I truly believe God is up to something big and I can't wait to see what doors He opens for me. 

I don't have much other to say right now except Matthew and I are really fixing to hit the house hunt hard. As I said, we have been looking off and on since September.. but since I am officially finished with school and soon to be employed (hopefully), we are ready to find a house to call OUR'S and make it into a home. We are ready to settle down in one spot and stay put for awhile. We absolutely cannot wait to see what all God is going to do in our lives this year with us BOTH having real careers. I am tickled pink.

That's about all I have to say tonight.. hopefully next time my brain won't be too busy partying :)

Xoxo,

Cait :)